Prayer Full Circle

Let me start by saying you’re probably a much better person than I am. I’m sure you’ve never had these thoughts. And if you had a view into my mind, you’d probably question how I could ever call myself a Christian at all, filing me into your growing pile of hypocrites. The worst of sinners? That’s me. I’ll place my name into your case for hypocrites without a fight.

But let me share, because maybe there’s something to be learned from those unwanted “bad Christian” thoughts. Maybe God can use them to teach a lesson.

He did for me. 

Sitting in Bible study circles much of my adult life has helped me grow a filter of cynicism. Yep, if you’ve already labeled me after this sentence, go on – you’re in for some real dirt. relish in it, I don’t blame you.

So yes, that’s me. The girl who has sat on the couch at small group listening to prayer requests, batting away the intrusive thoughts that simply aren’t holy.

Pray for my brother’s neighbor’s friend’s sister. Ok here we go. You’re digging for the biggest piece of pain you can find so your prayer request isn’t overshadowed by the one before it – you know, where someone needed prayer in the ICU. 

But at church last week, I stood witness to a revelation that seriously reprimanded me.

I made a friend that recently started coming to my church. She has walked through deep loss, and is open with her story. So, after service, the pastor approached our little social session and started talking to us. Hm, I thought, here we go with one of those conversations where someone pretends to care about us (yep, another reason for you to think I’m awful). But as he began to get to know my friend, something happened. She shared of her loss and grief. He listened.

How did you find our church? He asked. Oh I live across the street from so and so who goes here. His reply… a lightbulb. A remembrance. I remember when so and so had us praying for his neighbor. That must have been your family. Yes, that was us, she said. I stood as a spectator. Did this just happen? Am I witnessing the beautiful results of someone’s prayer request for their neighbor who was a stranger… until now? 

I didn’t deserve to hear this. I was unworthy of getting a front row seat into how God uses his people, even those who were connected through prayer without ever meeting. We don’t always get to hear the stories of those who prayed over us. But this one instance was a loving glimpse into the fact that there is power and purpose in every prayer. A girl who, a year later, connects with someone who said- oh that was you we were praying for. Is there anything more precious? 

I was the mute, watching it all go down, lifting my jaw from the floor.

But here’s the thing. As a Christian, we don’t get a free pass to still be called “good” when in fact we suck. We get a ticket to forgiveness, yes, but we also have access to the Holy Spirit who has free rein to wack us over the head (ok, give a loving tug at the heart or whatever Christianese language least offends you) to learn how to grow and become more like Jesus. 

If you find it in your heart to remove some of those hypocrite labels, you just might see that we’re all learning and growing too. If you peel mine off, maybe we could find more common ground and room for sharing powerful lessons like this one. One I will never forget.